Mindful Journal Day 42

I've told myself that after my recent break up that I will change. But how can I change if my heart is not ready for it?

I have started doing meditation again to lessen my anxiety. It makes me feel better whenever I meditate which is oddly fascinating because as much as I love to focus on myself, I unconsciously think of others first but when I meditate I just let myself free.

A lot of my friends have told me that it would be best if I just focus myself first and not look for a partner...which is weird because is that the vibe I give out to people?

Am I unconsciously telling people that I want to be in a relationship now? 

To be quite honest, I am hoping to be in a relationship with this guy that I have been talking to lately, but it turns out that he was just interested in getting laid. I was thankful that my instinct were right.

There are men out there who prey on women that are still broken from a recent break up so they can get laid.

Its a sad reality that nowadays being in a relationship means that you have to do it before you actually have to be in one.

I won't act highly in saying that I don't like that but I just don't think that is the sole basis of getting into a relationship.

If someone will be interested in me again, I would like it if they are interested in ME, not what is under my lingerie.

I would like to take things slow...you know like having coffee and just talking mindlessly, enjoying the tranquility of just knowing they are physically there.

I wish to meet someone like that, a man who would make me feel beautiful even if I feel my worst, a man who I can just hug and he will smile as if he knew what happened without saying a thing. I hope to meet a man that will love me even if I grow bigger along with my heart as we spend a lot of time together.

I hope to meet you when I am ready.

But for now, I think I just had to sleep and dream of the day you will arrive.

Much Love
xx alice