Alice Does Blogs

 Because of this whole pandemic it got me thinking again of what matters the most to me. I was not getting any younger and pursuing blogging full time and attending events just to earn some brownie points wasn't really cutting it in for me.  Believe me I loved that side of being a content creator but there is also a side I wasn't really fond of - the back breaking tasks of editing, conceptualizing, posting deliverables and waiting to get paid. The amount of effort I put out doesn't really pay the bills if I can be completely honest.  I remember one of my lowest point was being offered to ghost write another blog and I would potentially get paid by the amount of views or comments like what the actual crap was that?! I had to decline that offer because I don't really like to put a price on the articles I put out.  I love how some of you would be so happy and inspired after reading a post and message me about your insights about it. Believe me I respond so fast in those...

 There would be times where I just don't know if I am doing the right things in my life because sometimes the outlook is just not looking great.  I had this thought a couple of months back when I was going to be endorsed on production to take calls in my current company where I was like 'Is this really the right decision for me?' 'Are we sure about this?' those questions kept going over and over in my head as the days go on and as I take more calls.  And I think I made a right decision. Its been about 6 months since that time and I have never felt more secured with what I decided.  Another factor that made me go and pursue this path is because I am not getting any younger. I admit, I chased a dream wherein I am not really sure if I am destined for it. I haven't given up on blogging and content creation but I can honestly say that its more than views and clicks for me now. It has become a way for me to express myself and help people come out of their shell too. S...

Honestly the last time I felt this much pain from a loss was a decade ago- and last Monday it came back.  I wasn't able to introduce Rocky on my blog formally because..well..I did that on my youtube channel. I should've done that honestly because Rocky has made a huge impact on my life that I wasn't able to share to anyone. 

Meet Nikko - my first born.  We also call him Nik-Nik, Nikkolite, Nikoekoeko, Nikkoya and other names we make up haha! Yes you heard that! Nikko is my first born child and today is his birthday! He is now 4 years old and I would just like to share why I love this dog so much.  I have always loved dogs, but I have usually gotten big dogs since my mama prefers them to be protectors of our house. But one day my brother messaged me about a yorkie and if our mom would like to have one. Of couse she was against having Nikko because she doesn't need a small dog who won't protect her. But I sure do so I said yes and we got him the following Saturday.  The first time I saw Nikko I immediately felt that connection with him. He clung to my arms when I lifted him up from the crate he was put in by his previous owner and I cradled him and said hello my child. I may have looked weird then for sure.  I never really expected to love small breed dogs, but this weirdo is different - h...

 I have always been insecure about so many things - my weight, my looks, and everything else. Maybe its because I wasn't given enough validation as a child and a lot of unresolved issues that sometimes I tend to build walls around me.  I know I'm not the only one that feels this way. I try my best to be as confident as I need to because if I let my insecurities bring me down, I won't be able to do my best in life.  There was a time where I went on a date and he told me that he consented into this because he felt bad for me. I immediately walked away from this date and blocked him. I thought I can have a relationship with this person because he understood that he is getting to know a person who was overcoming trauma from previous relationships - boy was I wrong.  I usually come off as very confident and outgoing to some people and they are impressed how I am able to carry myself and be comfortable with my body. What they didn't know is what they see is a front. Inside...

 While writing this article I am blasting When My Life Begin at 1AM as if giving me the creative powers I need. Call me childish but blasting Disney songs while writing does give me that boost I need. And this song actually speaks a lot about my life right now and also the global pandemic. We are under another GCQ which is now less restrictive (I Guess) but still has those limitations that we had been enjoying since December. 

 For the past couple of months - or you can say years rather, I had lost the ability to write my feelings again. I honestly craved just having that creative flow through my veins and just write until I can't write no more. 

 Hey.  Honestly I don't know how many times I have said I will be serious in blogging but time and time again I just revert to forgetting those and not write anything.  It honestly sucks. Because I felt like I have let you down. I should maintain this blog! I flippin changed the name for a reason!  The past few months, I have just been under so much stress, anxiety and bouts of depression that I wanted to quit social media. But then I remembered my happy place - blogging.  I promised to write and write until my brain tells me to stop and my hands start to bleed - not literally okay.  I won't promise anymore that I will be consistent because as of right now I am still trying to figure out everything again as it was the first time.  But here is the weird part, no matter how long I have not been writing my hands seem to just have a life of its own just start typing as if its excited to tell a friend of something she discovered. That's where I know that bl...

I have always been the kind of person that would always say 'I'm Okay' but in reality I am just saying that. Whether may it be mentally, physically, and especially financially usually pride gets in the way of me trying to get help. And I think I need to address the elephant in the room regarding my financial situation. I'm Broke. And finally I have accepted it. I am barely surviving with the allowance I have and I am not sure if I can still survive until the end of the month. I have tried a lot of things to at least earn more like selling some of my old items to basically crying my eyes out at night hoping gold tears will come out (kidding). not knowing if I have enough money to my next event. Being a blogger is not a walk in the park to be honest. I love what I do, but sometimes its just unfair how as bloggers or content creators we are based by the number of subscribers or readers rather than the quality of work we put out there. It sucks that I have to hav...

Sulli of F(x) died last Monday. I saw an article about it when I was working last Monday and my thought was - No way... then I clicked on the article and read the news. It was short but doesn't have all the information I looked for. In the Korean Show Business, Suicide among its popular personalities is too common but it would hit you hard. I may not know a lot about Sulli but one thing I know about her is the amount of criticism and negative comments she gets. It hurts that instead of people accepting who she is, there are some people vile enough to spread negativity towards her. It sucks because she is one of those Korean Idols I do like because she doesn't really give a crap about the world and would prefer people to see the real her. There is no cause of death yet although Suicide is what some are speculating. There are more people like Sulli in the world and it sucks. Being unique and real is like a double-edged sword. People will like you for your genuine personal...

I was the type of person that cared too much how people see me. I terribly think of how others think of me - A TOTAL FREAKIN PEOPLE PLEASER! But a few years ago I had a meltdown. A terrible one. I was kind of in a catatonic state where I would just wake up, do stuff that looked like living but essentially I was hollow on the inside. It sucked. I hated myself that time that I actually didn't cared anymore. The worst part was the anxiety attacks I keep getting and I didn't even knew I was in one!  When I started therapy (again) , my therapist asked me what was I feeling then. I felt sick. I had sick thoughts of just burning or cutting myself or letting myself fall from the flight of stairs I walked everyday. I thought I was experiencing home sickness but it was far more worse when I realized it. Therapy works guys . And one of the things I learned about myself was I was such a people pleaser because I was driven to exhaustion to succeed. I thought that if I'm succe...

Honestly doing this challenge is a big step because I know I might fuck up (and yes I am not afraid to say it) because I know to myself that I easily get bored of doing 30 day challenges but I want to do this because of the following: 1. For instilling discipline in myself. I am not a person who likes routines, but in my age I.FREAKIN,NEED.TO.HAVE.IT! I know I have to determination to stick to this so that is why I am challenging myself further of posting daily compared to before.  2. To be accountable for my actions.  Don't get me wrong in this, but whenever I make a promise to myself I stick to it like super glue because I know that if I break that it will just make me fall further down the line. I need to be accountable for my actions and my decisions so I will do this challenge and possibly continue doing it more.  3. I want to have something to read back.  Later on I know I will go back to my previous posts to be able to see how much I hav...

I know what you are thinking - AND ITS NOT THAT WORD! The big T word I am meaning to share for a long time is Therapy. I know its quite a sensitive topic to talk about and yes, I go on therapy. Why tho?  Well because I have a lot of issues I need to fix within myself and honestly I need a professional to help me. Talking to a friend is fine but it doesn't really solve all my unfinished issues and repressed emotions because it takes someone that is well grasped in psychology to be able to tell me what's wrong and what I need to do. Its so twisted whenever I tell people that I go on a session almost every week because its like I'm insane - which I am not, I just need to discuss my issues and find clarity in the situations I get myself into. Is it expensive? YES. Its quite expensive, especially here in the Philippines because there are not a lot of mental health care providers that are readily available unlike in the United States where mental health is quite impor...

If you have noticed it YES! I finally changed this blog's interface! after so many freakin' years I have decided to yes - just scrap the whole format I had before and start fresh. Why? I just decided to keep everything clean and minimal for now. I am not really sure yet where to go from here. I had a very interesting conversation a couple of days ago with a friend over some cocktails about life. I am not really into talking deep about my feelings to anyone - but somehow it was just right. We had a conversation about how my life could've been if I didn't left my job as a teacher, would I be where I am now if I didn't taken the leap of faith? My friend said it was the best thing I could've done in my life. Not that I hated my job as a teacher because I loved every second of it...I didn't really felt that I fulfilled my purpose even if I have loved my job. I felt I was stuck in that place teaching kids over and over then looking over the brightly l...

It is true that the older you get, the wiser you become. I admit that when I was younger I did things that I am not supposed to do. I was able to learn from these experiences and accept that I am just like anybody else - I am human, capable of making great things in life, but also capable of committing mistakes and getting hurt. And one thing I learned is to be a better person, you have to let go of toxic people and situations you are in. I will tell you some things I have learned to move on in a healthy way from a toxic relationship. This can be a toxic friendship to even toxic family members (Don't deny we all have one in our lives!) 1. Define Toxic You have to define first if it was a toxic relationship to begin with. You would know if it is one when it is like a pattern that happens frequently with you and that person. Would you always get into arguments out of petty things and the argument was not resolved? Are you still happy in the relationship? Does it give you person...

I know I should have updated this blog site for a while but I have been so busy I actually forgot this. It sucks because I want this platform to be a source of Information but since I have been busy I neglected this site.  To my avid readers - thank you for continuing the support and love you have given me, some of you even transferred to my youtube channel since I have updated that more than this!  To those that have asked that if I have transferred to youtube in making content - yes, but not entirely. I will still post here but currently I am trying to bring back my live for writing and not feel so toxic about writing.  I have also been missing in action because I got a new dog.  Meet Nikko a.k.a. sharky He is the source of my happiness now. Just like my other furbabies he is a total goof ball. He is a sweetheart too! Just look at his adorkable-ness (I know thats not a real word so shut up k? )  I have also been spending a lot of time with mudra so currentlu m...

I guess you are wondering what happened to me. Well, A lot happened. Some of them I would prefer not to talk about at the moment so I would ask for your understanding. They are the reasons why I gave my blog a screeching halt for a few months. And its hard because even if I am totally passionate in what I do, there are some things and circumstances that happened that will make you forget your passion for a while. And I have to take care of my responsibilities first because they are my top priority. I do appreciate all the messages and emails I received when you guys thought I died (Please don't think that!) I was just in a phase in my life where I needed to step up for a while and assume the 'older' sibling for a while because as cold hearted people think I am - I HAVE A FREAKIN HEART! I can't just leave my mother hanging without someone holding her back. Yah. That is one of the reasons - My mother. I love her dearly and I would go above and beyond to mak...

There was this Pinterest pin I found the other day which got me thinking: Am I a Multi Tasker or Single Task kind of girl? I would consider myself a bit of both because as of this writing I am focused on writing this entry while listening to a mukbang video by Stephanie Soo - and its making me hungry though!!! So yeah..its making me crazy though that I am thinking about this but are there people like that? Single Task people? In this day and age multi tasking is really the way people do things. I can say I do that as well because of the limited time, we tend to spread ourselves too thin to the point that we have to do two things at the same time. But most people crash eventually if that happens. And it has happened to me so many times. I normally would just shut everything down when I feel that it is too much for me. I feel too pressured to do something that I am not particularly comfortable with. There was one time that I was tasked to do something at home which was to basic...

I was browsing on some random Facebook page when I thought to myself: What if I buy a couple of contact lenses because I missed them? Would that be fun? I guess so...I remember my fascination with contact lenses were from anime series that I've watched. I love seeing girls with different eye colors and I hoped to get them too. I might save up some money for that. I might buy myself a couple of circle lens just in case I need some fun in my life. I can't really think of anything today which is weird. Is it because it is Valentines? I just shiver at the thought that today was supposed to be the first Valentines I might have spent with my now ex-boyfriend. Yes. I am still being bitter about it. I am not bitter about the break up but rather the things we could've done together. But a lot of people have told me that it was for the better if he was just not into the relationship as I was with him. I tried my very best to be as cordial to all the couples I've s...

I've told myself that after my recent break up that I will change. But how can I change if my heart is not ready for it? I have started doing meditation again to lessen my anxiety. It makes me feel better whenever I meditate which is oddly fascinating because as much as I love to focus on myself, I unconsciously think of others first but when I meditate I just let myself free. A lot of my friends have told me that it would be best if I just focus myself first and not look for a partner...which is weird because is that the vibe I give out to people? Am I unconsciously telling people that I want to be in a relationship now?  To be quite honest, I am hoping to be in a relationship with this guy that I have been talking to lately, but it turns out that he was just interested in getting laid. I was thankful that my instinct were right. There are men out there who prey on women that are still broken from a recent break up so they can get laid. Its a sad reality that nowadays...