Mindful Journal Day 17

If you have read my previous post, you will understand this post further.

I never really intended to push him to breaking up with me. I did it because I wanted attention from him. Its either we fight or I become petty - and apparently I mixed those two together and it ended my relationship.

During the first stage of our relationship it was okay. He was the clingy one in the relationship but the farther we got into the journey the more he pushed me away.

Before we finally broke up I had my breaking point. It was about a week ago when we had a fight and 'broke up'. When that scenario happened I finally had my last breath of hope of him not being stubborn and just say sorry.

He was the one who was wrong during our argument that time by the way which is why I wanted him to apologize. It was over my facebook account password.

I know there will be mixed reactions towards this but as much as I love him I prefer my facebook to be as private as where I keep my underwear should me - For my eyes ONLY!

That was when I had enough. I had enough of pleasing him then in the process breaking myself. I had enough of just making him part of my priority while in his world I wasn't really on the top shelf.

I needed to love myself again.

That was when I realized something - We needed to break up. But he said sorry and I forgave him and everything was okay again...sort of.

Ever since that episode, he just started becoming less of a boyfriend but more of a reminder board. He never asked me if anything funny happened today. And if we do get some time to have a meaningful conversation it would just be about his games and slightly about how he misses me.

Remember that every person has their limitation - even gadgets have limitations so don't expect everything to run as smooth as it was once you dropped it.

I know that it took me years to regain myself back before I entered into a new serious relationship, but I think now I know what to do so it wouldn't take me longer to move on.

I admit the break up is still painful but its for myself that I needed to be strong and rebuild myself.

And starting today I will be doing that.

Much Love!

xx Alice

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